Not Too Chicken to Write a Cheesy Post

Before I delve into the latest fast-food novelty item, let me apologize for first showing up with the fullest of intentions of writing on a regular basis and then proceeding to disappear again. Suffice to say that some things happened that resulted in a significant loss of interesting places to eat. Flash forward a couple months. It's not the classiest of locales, but it's unusual, and I'm all about living life to its fullest and trying all the weird these days.

Remember a couple years ago, when I first started pretending people cared about what food I ate? Yeah, you know. That time I went to T-Bell for free breakfast. This venture wasn't free, but here we are. It's May 12. One day after the fine Mexican-inspired establishment we know as Taco Bell (and my parents sometimes confusedly refer to as "Del Taco") debuted its latest and greatest menu item.

Yes, my friends.

Naked. Chicken. Chips.

Now, are they chicken nuggets? Or are they chips? At which point does a chicken nugget cease to become a piece of fried chicken and transform into a piece of fried breading known as a chip? These were dire questions that begged answers. The Meatetarian had to know what exactly a Naked Chicken Chip was and what sort of mysticism was involved in its creation.

So to Taco Bell I drug my neighbor tonight. Last night I had a mandate so I missed the opening night of these suckers; and does it really count as dragging when your neighbor's favorite food is a Baja Blast?

There are several options for the Naked Chicken Chips. There's a six-pack. A 12-pack. And a Naked Chicken Chips Box that comes with a six-pack of chixchips (am I the first one to shorthand that? I should probably copyright this), a hard or soft taco AND some sort of burrito PLUS a medium drink. Being economical, and also knowing that I can easily turn that into three meals because despite my love of fast food I don't actually pig out on it, it was a no-brainer to get the box.

On first glance, it's obvious these are way too thick to be considered chips. Like basically they're glorified nacho-shaped chicken nuggets. The verdict on whether these are something you should order or not then comes from how good they taste ... not so much on how novel a food item they are. Hashtag not-a-cronut.

The breading is pleasantly crispy. Nice and salty, as one would expect from a fast-food establishment where the main ingredients are sodium and more sodium. The meat inside is soft; not too chewy; kind of bland if we're really being honest, but the excess of sodium on the outside makes up for it.

What I'm saying is ... they're nothing special.

However. There is a sauce. A cheese sauce. A nacho cheese sauce.

And that dresses these naked little snacks up right nicely. The sauce is thick and probably a million calories, so if you're into counting those maybe you should stop. It's got a peppery bite to it that quite makes up for how unremarkable the actual chips are.

Dunking those triangle chixchips into this hot, melty sauce is akin to sitting at a sporting event in the nosebleed seats with a cold beer and a plate full of those awful cheap round actual nachos drenched in spicy hot melty nasty-but-yet-so-damn-addicting-yellow-cheese-is-it-even-really-a-sauce-or-is-it-a-drug-called-queso goodness that cost you approximately $8.65 and suddenly your team scores and you leap out of your seat and your nachos go flying (but your beer doesn't; priorities). Are these Taco Bell delights worth $8.65? Just like those actual nachos ... absolutely not. But are they a not terrible snack for a couple bucks?

Sho thang, chicken wing.

Bonus: We also tried the new "spiked" lemonade Baja Blast that allegedly contains prickly pear cactus juice. It tastes like liquified Sour Patch Kids. Do not recommend getting a large.

The CRÚ Crew

Wine bars are not normally somewhere I want to go for lunch.

I mean, to be completely honest, wine bars are not my choice of place to eat no matter what time of the day it is. Though I find the art of winemaking fascinating, beer and whiskey/bourbon are much more my preferred imbibements (that's a word now). J, however, is very into wine and it's really impressive. So one chilly day in December, we decided to venture to Avalon — remember my visit to The El Felix? It's near there — to do some shopping, and when we discovered there was a wine bar in the vicinity, we figured we'd check it out.

I'm still not sure I'd pick out a wine bar for the sake of eating at a wine bar, but I would go back to CRÚ in a heartbeat!

CRÚ Food & Wine Bar, believe it or not, is a franchise. But you wouldn't know it if you walked in (or at least, I had no idea). The restaurant named its executive chef on the door; it's beautifully decorated; and there are a million bottles of wine everywhere.

The service was also fantastic. Ever since J started working as a server, we've both been really conscious to when we have excellent service and when it's sort of lackluster. Our main server was talkative, engaging and gave great advice on what wines to pair which which meals. The wine menu rotates pretty regularly, so it's nice to be able to go to a place and have your server tell you what's new, what's great, etc. Since I'm not much of a vino, I didn't get a drink, but J got a wine flight.

If you are into wine, you should order a wine flight. Not only do you get the requisite three restaurant-sized glasses of wine (I say that because if I do drink wine at home, I pour until the glass is at least half-full, because where's the fun in anything less?), but they are presented to your table in this nifty little carrier. No more bulky hand trays for these folks. You also get a flight card that describes what each of the wines is, its region, how it's made and the flavors you should experience. J has to usually tell me what flavors I'm experiencing, but I did take a sip of each just for fun. But I wasn't there for the wine ... I was there for the Napa Burger.

The CRÚ lunch menu is small, and I was torn between going whole hog on a burger or being light and dainty and pseudo-healthy and ordering a cheese plate. But because we don't treat ourselves to a lot of date nights or date days these days, I decided to spoil myself a little this time.

The Napa Burger just sounded incredible. First, it's a hamburger, so duh. Second, the toppings. I love, love, love savory and sweet, and this burger had everything I needed in each bite. The fig jam was divine. It wasn't sugary sweet, but it had a deep, almost molasses-like sweetness that just enveloped the melted cheese, the caramelized onions and the hot, juicy beef patty. Oh, the cheese! As good as each bite of the burger was, I could probably have eaten an entire wheel of the Humboldt Fog. This melty, creamy goat cheese comes form California and has a consistency like brie. They also served it with the white rind on, which I really liked. Plus the bun was soft and buttery; the arugula not overly peppery; and the gherkin pickles on top were nice and crunchy. The side was matchstick potatoes, and though some of them weren't cut all the way through, totally worth it. They were tasty and since they were so skinny, I didn't feel like a fatty for eating most of them!

My only qualm is that the burger promised roasted tomatoes, and instead was served with fresh sliced. Given that tomatoes aren't in season again until May here in Georgia, whatever distributor CRÚ uses did a fab job of bringing in vibrant red fruits. They were delicious, but I can't help but wonder what depth of flavor the roasted would have achieved.

Guess I'll have to come back to find out. And maybe try the "Sinful Experience" cheese flight while I'm at it.

L'eggo My Chicken and Waffles!

I've been waiting for ages to find the perfect time to write about my favorite Virginia Highlands restaurant, The Family Dog.

We ate here the first week I moved to Atlanta and it pretty much stuck as the best place on the planet. It's within walking distance of my apartment (which makes returning from a night of boozing reminiscent of college), it's affordable, it's an incredible atmosphere and the food is damn good. Though I'm not writing about them today, I recommend whatever fish sandwich happens to be on the menu, the smoked duck quesadilla (it's enough for a meal, promise), Rosebud pimento cheese with spicy saltines and the oyster po'boy, which occasionally crops up on the summer menu. There are exactly zero disappointments that come from this place. Rosebud, FYI, is another one of the four restaurants owned by Chef Ron Eyester -- the other two are Timone's and Diner.

I give a thumbs-up to the chicken and waffle melt.

The most recent visit to Family Dog was for a specific purpose. Its new menu was released, which included some tempting new brunch and breakfast items. Namely, chicken and waffles.

Somehow, despite being born and raised in the South, chicken and waffles bypassed me as a traditional meal. Then suddenly three years ago everyone is going cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs for chicken and waffles. It's like if your restaurant didn't have an ode to chicken and waffles you deserved to shut your doors and suffer in silence at lack of customers. But none of the restaurants I frequented offered chicken and waffles, and I wasn't exactly seeking it out. I've heard the best come from Ms. Gladys Knight herself, so look forward for a second C&W write-up when I make it over there!

There are two chicken and waffle options on the new Family Dog brunch menu. First is under the sandwiches category: fried chicken and waffle melt. The second is the chicken and waffle plate.

I ended up with both -- new menu = slight confusion = wrong dish brought to the table = new order put in -- and it was the closest thing to perfect food heaven I'd felt in a while.

The sandwich was the original order, so in the confusion it came out second. Thus, I shall start with a look at the plate. The fried chicken was boneless and doused in this sweet pepper sauce. It added a sour tang that made each bite of chicken + waffle + syrup just divine. The chicken was thick, moist and came out nice and hot. And I'm not sure what the waffle makings in the back are, but this was no Eggo. This was a deep caramel-colored waffle crisp on the outside, light and fluffy within and dusted with powdered sugar. I easily could have eaten the entire thing and forgotten about the sandwich ... but I wanted to give both a try. I took tiny bites like the kind a 2-year-old takes of peas they're trying to avoid eating. Except I wasn't trying to avoid eating it because it was revolting, but rather it was so delicious I wanted to savor each forkful.

When the sandwich arrived, I was already pretty full. I was not prepared for the tower of tastiness that was placed in front of me. If you've ever had one of Chick-fil-A's new (I think new?) chicken, egg and cheese sandwiches, you've had a fast-food version. It's two of those fabulous waffle triangles and heaped between is another mouthwatering chicken thigh (fried, boneless and sauceless), freshly scrambled eggs and Tillamook cheddar.

*** Pardon me while I take you on a quick field trip to Tillamook County in Oregon, the land from whence this cheddar comes. Go explore the website. It's fun. And it makes you wish you were a full magazine owner who could disappear off to Oregon at the drop of a hat and go watch cheese being made.

Now that you're fully versed in Tillamook cheddar, you can understand how the cheese plays an important part in the chicken and waffle melt at Family Dog. I mean, in order to be a "melt" a sandwich must contain cheese. Plus it's a mild cheddar, which I think was great for this sandwich. Don't go in here expecting a light chicken sandwich when you order this, either. No veggies, no aioli, no fancy: just chicken, egg, cheese, waffle. Oh, and syrup to dip in. Hot syrup.

Clearly I'm over here salivating just thinking of chicken and waffles. I have no idea how this meal escaped me for 26 years, but man am I glad I finally got some to gnaw on.

Both of these dishes are getting added to the list of "Dallas' Favorite Food at Family Dog" ... which is to say, everything on the menu.

Cinco de Taco

Like every fast food junkie who's hit up T-Bell at 3 a.m. in an effort to fulfill the desires of post-drinking food needs, when I heard the chain was offering free biscuit tacos on Cinco de Mayo, I jumped at the chance. I forced myself to wake up early (because the nearest Taco Bell is in the exact opposite direction of my office), make myself presentable and join the throngs of 20-somethings arriving promptly 7 a.m. to see whether or not we'll deign to be so-called "breakfast defectors."

By "throngs of 20-somethings" I mean me and the one other car that showed up at 7:02 a.m. The throngs are the ones who rolled out of bed at 10, assumed that only hungover college students cared about free food and marched en masse to Taco Bell only to realize that they  had been duped by those of us who have jobs, must be awake before 7 a.m. and hang on to every reminder of our inebriated college past by taking advantage of free food whenever offered. So, by the time the throngs arrived, there were no free biscuit tacos left for them, and now they're doing what kids do these days and posting mean things on social media.

Meanwhile, as these young things were sleeping, innocently assuming there would be free food awaiting them in three hours, I moseyed into my office, bacon-egg-cheese biscuit taco and bacon-egg-cheese A.M. Crunchwrap in hand, excited to celebrate this mostly American holiday with some very American things: fast food, free fast food, bacon and biscuits.

The A.M. Crunchwrap: bacon, egg, shredded cheddar and a hashbrown patty,
all wrapped up in a flour tortilla.

I began with the A.M. Crunchwrap. As my bestie and favorite fellow 3 a.m. T-Bell frequenter Gena knows well, I am a mad fan of the Crunchwrap. The regular Crunchwrap Supreme is a layer of beef, sour cream, tomatoes, lettuce and various other taco toppings stacked on a flattened hardshell taco, all wrapped in a huge soft tortilla. Dip that into some sauce and you've got one of my top five fast food items! Now, there are no vegetables in the A.M. Crunchwrap. It is carb and protein loading to the max. You've got the flour tortilla still, but this time it is wrapped around a hashbrown patty and topped with chopped bacon, scrambled egg and the signature Taco Bell shredded cheddar cheese, plus a kick courtesy of some sort of jalapeno cream sauce.

It tasted good. Like, I would go back and get it again after approximately three days of jogging around the neighborhood twice a day good. I liked that the bacon was crumbled, because you didn't have to worry about only taking one bite and suddenly the whole strip is coming out ... and then you're left with naught but egg and cheese. The scrambled eggs weren't bad. They didn't necessarily taste like something a Michelin star chef would put out there, but they weren't rubbery or hard and were sufficiently salty. Alas, the sauce (and for some reason this always happens with Crunchwraps) ended up all in one corner, so it wasn't until I was two-thirds done with my breakfast that I even realized there was sauce in it. And that was a shame, because the sauce gave a freshness and a zing to the salty flavors of the protein and carbohydrate ingredients! So, note to self, next time I'm ordering an extra tub of that on the side for dipping.

The issue I have with the A.M. Crunchwrap is the "crunch" part. In the regular menu Crunchwrap, that tortilla shell crunches quite satisfactorily when you chomp down, plus the iceberg lettuce and the tomatoes give a little bit more texture. The morning variety, sadly, does not provide that same experience. Though putting a hashbrown inside is a good idea in theory, it's easy to execute poorly. There was no satisfactory crunch from a crispy fried shredded potato patty. It was as if someone hadn't let the oil get hot enough in the fryer before dropping them in, so they absorbed too much oil and came out greasy. Fix that issue, add some more of that sauce, and this ain't a bad way to start the morning if you don't want to spend a fortune at Panera for a "healthy" carbohydrate-laden breakfast or are tired of your regular Chick-fil-A and McDonald's fare.

Onto the real reason why I showed up at Taco Bell at 7:02 a.m.: the biscuit taco. Yes, I got the bacon here again (there are sausage varieties of both), but if you've been following me, you undoubtedly read my post about bratwurst and thus my diatribe against breakfast sausage. So, bacon it is!

I knew it was going to be tough to convert me, a Southern born-and-bred woman who grew up on soul food and fresh-made biscuits cut with a jar top, to something like this. But I tried to go in with an open mind, and hey, it was free. Plus, it looked cute! Great packaging -- a little cardboard taco shell holder that claims "The world is your biscuit. Devour it." I unwrap this delicacy and think, "Heck yes, I will devour you."

Then I took a bite.

Bad news, y'all. Despite its promising exterior, the biscuit taco was lackluster.

The bacon, egg and cheese biscuit taco, wrapped in its signature packaging,
along with the day's receipt for "a Cinco de Mayo miracle."

The biscuit part of the taco is interesting. The inside is crumbly and gives you the mouthfeel of a biscuit, but the outside is almost rubbery. I mean, I understand that food science was involved here and Taco Bell had to figure out a way to get a soft, buttery, typically not flexible biscuit to bend into a taco shell shape, but it's by no means my favorite thing on the Taco Bell menu.

The construction of the biscuit taco was pretty genius: like a regular taco that has ground beef topped with stuff and cheese on top, the biscuit taco featured ground meat (bacon, in my case), the same scrambled eggs as on the A.M. Crunchwrap and again, that shredded cheddar.

Y'all I'mma be cleaning bacon off my desk for a while. The half-inch thick generous helping of crumbled bacon did not want to stay in the biscuit taco. It was messy. Not something I would recommend eating in the car while driving.

Do I appreciate Taco Bell feeding me for mostly free (I bought the Crunchwrap)? Yes.

Would I call myself a "breakfast defector" after this morning? Nah.

But if I ever do need to break out of my traditional spicy chicken biscuit boredom (not sure that sort of boredom exists; I really like spicy chicken biscuits) and have a few spare minutes to wait for a perfectly fried hashbrown patty to stuff in an A.M. Crunchwrap, I'd go back and grab one. They do say variety of the spice of life, especially when that variety comes with a side of spicy jalapeno sauce.