Melted Butter, Sweetie Go, Let Me See That Lobster Roll!

If you didn't sing the post title to the tune of "Tootsee Roll," then I'm not sure we can be friends.

There are a few key indulgences I enjoy in life. And by "few" I mean filet and seafood. And by "seafood" I mean lobster and scallops. You know I like you a lot when I offer to cook you any combination of those items.

I digress. A couple weeks ago I migrated back down to my favorite place in the United States (not world, sorry; that honor goes to Glastonbury) for a family girls trip, and since I had to work the entire week, my only goal was to eat at The Lazy Lobster of Longboat again. I've been twice before, but the last time was two years ago, and it was necessary to make a return trip. Oh, and just FYI ... be careful about where your GPS takes you. I'm not sure how we did it, but on one trip we ended up at an abandoned shopping center in the rain nowhere near the restaurant.

My almost-20-year-old cousin, affectionately known for her entire life as "Kiddo," chauffeured me from our home base on Anna Maria Island to Longboat Key, where Lazy Lobster lies (we made it without any GPS mishaps this time). Longboat Key is a pretty luxe little island. Great place to snag a beach house if you happen to be a millionaire. Big houses. Big paychecks. Also, big lobster rolls.

Anyone unfamiliar with a lobster roll? Just in case, I'mma throw some knowledge on you. You pick up a lot of random seafood facts when you work a bit doing social media for a fish market (shout-out to Kathleen's Catch!) and now's a good a time as any to impart some of those on you.

Maine lobsters, which are the ones you're probably most familiar with, are in season from about mid-June to late fall. There's also the Caribbean (a.k.a. Florida, Rock or Spiny) lobster — the meat of this one tends to be a little tougher and not as sweet, but still good. Maine lobster is what you're most likely to find diced, slathered and sandwiched. That's because claw meat makes the best lobster rolls since it's super tender, and Caribbean lobsters don't have very big claws to pull meat from.

Hot, buttery lobster roll and potatoes au gratin from
The Lazy Lobster of Longboat

These indulgences (clearly, this is a synonym for "lobster roll," just accept it) can be made hot or cold. Kiddo ordered hers cold, which means the meat is delicately mixed with a seasoned mayo mixture and served on top of the buttered bun. Mine was hot, because there is no better way to eat lobster than slathered in melted clarified butter and served warm on top of a toasted bun that is also soaked in melted clarified butter.

Word to the wise: Ask for an extra napkin.

Clarified butter, by the way, is butter that's been rendered down so the water and milk fat are gone. It's very pure, and here's my man Alton Brown's recipe to make it at home for DIY lobster rolls (or you know, like toast and stuff).

So back to the task at hand. I'm holding a clarified butter-soaked lightly toasted bun full of buttery warm sweet seafood goodness and I am eating it so

so

so

so

slowly to savor every morsel of meat that I possibly can. Treats like this are so rich, so udderly (get it? Butter jokes) fulfilling, that to scarf it all down in about eight bites like I do every other sandwich is a waste. To fully experience a lobster roll, you have to let it slide on your tongue for a bit. Dip any of the little pieces that fall out into the butter that's inevitably dripping onto your plate. Masticate leisurely. Don't rush this.

In between bites, I highly recommend ordering potatoes au gratin as the side to munch on. Sounds like a weird pairing. Probably is a weird pairing, but it's still good. Potatoes au gratin is basically a fancy French-ish way of saying "lasagna made with layers of thinly sliced potatoes and cheese." It's like one step up from fries or chips, so, #adulting?

Having successfully devoured a Lazy Lobster lobster roll, full to the brim yet still wanting more (it's a life problem), I briefly pondered ordering the other favorite thing at Lazy Lobster: lobster 'scargot. Which is one of those escargot silver trays, but instead of snails a la "Pretty Woman," inside each divot is a chunk of lobster covered in yes, more clarified butter and then topped with melted Swiss cheese. If the idea of the hot lobster roll has your mouth watering as much as mine is, but you're one of those gluten-free, low-carb types, this comes as a highly recommended substitute.

Either way, you're gonna feel a whoop comin' on when the plate gets to your table. Slide, baby, slide.

The Meatetarian Eats AMI: Part 1

Never heard of Anna Maria, Florida? Then y'all got some researchin' to do. My family discovered Anna Maria Island last summer and I'm forever glad we made it a regular trip. There are SO many good places to eat here!

Over the next two days, we're going to walk around the island and I'll point out a few of my favorites and why you should get here when you can.

The Donut Experiment
By far, my absolute most favoritest (Yes. It's a word.) place to eat on this island, and also potentially the state of Florida. Here's the concept of The Donut Experiment, which was formerly known as Anna Maria Donuts: You go in and fill out an order form for your doughnuts, selecting the icing and topping combo of your choice. Take it up to the counter, hand it over, pay for your doughnuts and coffee, then hang out until they call you with your order. Simple as pie. This place is good and is therefore always packed. And like any other place that hand-makes you fresh doughnuts while you wait, it is so worth it.

You can't walk down Pine Ave. and not smell the luscious, sweet odor of freshly cooked cake doughnuts. It draws you in and then you're faced with a potentially life-changing choice: "Do I want caramel icing with sea salt, or should I go for the big one and bring home a Sriracha doughnut?" The answer, clearly, is both.

I only managed to make it to TDE (unofficial abbreviation) thrice during our most recent trip, but dang y'all. I could've easily eaten here every single morning that week. Let me show you how much better my breakfasts were than yours:

Out of these three, the favorite was key lime. This includes a good dip in creamy white frosting, a dunk in crumbled graham cracker and a zig-zag of key lime syrup on top. It's what would happen if you made a dessert that is a layer of key lime pie on top of a layer of cake. In other words, magnificence! I stuck to the "one way" doughnuts on this trip, which means you order them and you get it how it comes. The special one-way this week was caramel delight, which I ordered despite having no idea what I was about to be presented with. As you can see, it's chocolate icing, crispy toasted coconut flakes (which were great, by the way; I'm not a huge coconut fan, but I loved this addition!) and a drizzle of caramel. It's hard to go wrong with chocolate and caramel. That final one is the Sriracha, and it is the definition of "spice is nice." The moist cake doughnut is smothered in a rich peanut butter that melts on contact with the piping hot doughnut, sprinkled with chopped peanuts and then a layer of peppery Sriracha hot sauce is drawn on top. There is nothing sweet about this breakfast except your mouth crying out for sweet Jesus as you chow down -- both because it's spicy and because you can't get over how good it is.

Poppo's Taqueria
Second favorite place in Florida ... which just so happens to be right next door to The Donut Experiment. They share a porch.

I love pork tacos these days, and Poppo's does not disappoint. All of their food boasts such amazing flavors that one moment there's a taco on your plate and about three seconds later you look around and wonder where the heck your lunch went because you ate it that fast and already want more. I love the Classic concoction, which is pork with cilantro, diced red onion, hot sauce and lime on a corn tortilla. That hot sauce has a good kick, but I absolutely crave it when it's on top of succulent, melts-in-your-mouth pork and the burst of freshness from the cilantro.

To be honest, Poppo's may have the best carnitas I've had the pleasure of eating. Carnitas is a Mexican way of cooking pork by braising or roasting it before shredding. It's just so juicy here. I don't know what they put in it, but the pork tacos here are crave-worthy. In fact, I typically get a second taco (seriously; finishing one will leave you wanting more, so you're gonna want two at a minimum). That one is pork (duh) full of slaw, cheese, pico, cilantro and a drizzle of sauce. Having this taco is what made me start to like red cabbage -- yes, I realize it took me 25 years to appreciate red cabbage -- because the slaw is honey and lime marinated red cabbage. Can we talk about food that makes me hungry?!

Thankfully in Atlanta there's a Willy's, which is the closest I can get to pork tacos of this caliber, but it just ain't the same as being outside at Poppo's, eating a freshly made taco with carnitas juice running down your fingers and dripping on your plate and swallowing a tasty craft IPA from local Big Top Brewing to wash it down.

Rod & Reel Pier
If you don't do doughnuts for breakfast (at which, I must inquire what on Earth is wrong with you!), I recommend the bike ride to Rod & Reel Pier. There are two piers on AMI -- one is City Pier, which is larger and home to bar food, apps and brews; and the other is Rod & Reel. It serves food all day, but what I've been most impressed with is breakfast.

You go upstairs, sit down and have a view of the Gulf of Mexico while you eat. There are fishermen downstairs on the dock, the St. Pete bridge in the distance, a solid look at Egmont Key State Park and plenty of open water to watch for dolphins, rays and all other manner of sealife as you chow down on eggs and bacon. I recommend the omelettes of all varieties: they're pretty much the size of an infant so you might want to pay the $1 price to share it with someone! The pancakes are amazing too. Light, fluffy, almost cake-y in flavor, and they're served hot with powdered sugar on top, which caramelizes as the pancakes cool. You can also be healthy(er) and get fresh berries or fruit served on top.

This trip I tried out the bacon, egg and cheese biscuit sandwich. Sandwiches are an essential part of my diet, so it's hard to resist the offer of one full of fried egg, salty bacon and melty cheese. Rod & Reel breakfast is comfort food that'll keep you full until dinner, at which point you can return for fried grouper.

Tune in tomorrow: I'm taking you on a stroll to some other tasty treats you can devour while in this beautiful island community.