This S*** is Tostones, T-O-S-T-O-N-E-S

The Meatetarian is no stranger to weird food. In fact, I rather pride myself on my ability to get the weirdest-sounding thing on the menu, especially if it is meat-related: I've eaten Rocky Mountain oysters (spoiler alert; they're not oysters). When it comes to non-meat though, I am significantly less adventurous and more inherently grossed out. I tried tofu (that didn't sit so well with my GI tract). I've stomached boiled and steamed vegetables. I ate brussels sprouts once. I even went so far as to make my own greens a few times.

But there is one food item that I cannot put anywhere near my tastebuds. Bananas.

I couldn't tell you exactly what horrid childhood trauma scarred me so much that I gag on the mere thought of these things, but for as long as I can remember, I would rather starve than eat a banana. Yes, y'all, I know they have potassium. I'm sure your grandmama makes a mean 'nana puddin' with Nilla wafers. I am well-aware that they can cream up a smoothie. I have heard multiple times that the Akademia Brewing Company head brewer/co-founder makes a solid Belgian tripel, which is on-point for its banana notes. But if there is the tiniest hint of banana anywhere near my breakfast, lunch, dinner, second supper, beer or midnight snack, I ain't eatin' it. My daddy is this way with onions. Maybe it's hereditary?

Anyway.

After 29 years of just saying "no" to Chiquitas the same way I approached hard drugs, imagine my surprise when I found a banana-like product that I actively crave. They're called tostones, and the only place I've ever had them has been at Cali-N-Titos in Athens, Georgia.

Tostones are fried green plantains, and after doing some super-nerdy research into why I am drawn to them more than bananas (blech), here's what I learned.

Plantains have more starch than bananas do, although they're from the same family. That means they're much better to eat cooked than raw. Think about it — potatoes, also super-starchy, are significantly better cooked than raw. Similarly to potatoes, plantains can be sliced, mashed and deep-fried to make tostones. I reckon that makes them like the tropical equivalent of French fries. And though I have a hankering for tostones, there's also another variety of fried plantain that is on the Cali-N-Tito's menu. Maduros are fried sweet plantains. I have not tried these, though allegedly they don't taste like bananas.

The sandwich el criollo and tostones at Cali-
N-Tito's Eastside

The Cali-N-Tito's folks have managed a perfect way of slicing and mashing tostones so that they have this gorgeous scalloped edge when they're deep-fried. They've got a fine crispy outside and not-quite-fry soft innards. They go well with whatever amazingness is in the pink sauce you're served to dip them in.

I've been to Cali-N-Tito's a couple times before and gotten tacos (shocker), but this latest venture I was feeling something more out-of-the-hardshell. So I got the traditional Peruvian el sandwich criollo. I must say, this was a fabulous decision.

The pork was marinated, tangy and juicy with a nice hint of brine, topped with red onions, tomatoes, cilantro (y'all, cilantro does not taste like soap) and some sweet-yet-zesty mayonnaise, all served hot on grilled bread. I highly recommend adding pickled jalapeños as well.

Oh. And did I mention this sandwich's crowning glory? Sweet potato chips. On. The. Sandwich. Full disclosure, my favorite guilty summer sandwich pleasure is throwing potato chips on my sandwiches, and now I want to try it with sweet potato chips.

El sandwich criollo y los tostones were a solid combination. You do have to order them separately, but it's worth the couple extra bucks. The tostones are plain enough in terms of seasoning to complement all of the flavors in the sandwich perfectly, and also act as a little bit of a palate cleanser between bites.

Cali-N-Tito's has two Athens locations. The outdoorsy one on Lumpkin Street has more limited parking, no liquor license and also no menu online, but you can BYOB assuming you are 21 and up. I usually go to the Eastside location off of Cedar Shoals, which serves alcohol and oddly enough has an ice cream shop inside. It's also occasionally referred to as "La Puerta del Sol," but everyone I know just calls it "Eastside Cali-N-Tito's." Either way, you're sure to find something to please your palate on the menu.

And if you don't, just bring me your leftovers and I'll make sure they find a good home.